Thor- The Science of Lies No. 39

It’s just a little bit of fun.  At least, that’s how it started out.

I had to do it, really.  This little nerd, Jane Foster, was trying to horn in on my man!

What, you think I’m crazy?

Please.  I see the way she looks at him: all googly eyes and luminescent blushes like some kind of stupid anime girl.  She’s just like all the others.  All those soft headed baby girls who think they have a chance with a guy like Thor.  Don’t make me laugh.

I would be happy to write Jane off as just another one of them, except I think Thor might actually have this crazy idea in his head that he likes her back.  No idea how that happened.

I guess my Thor is just a tad naive.  He’s too big hearted for his own good sometimes.  He’s always being nice to people who don’t deserve it.  People who are beneath him is what I mean.

That’s why he’s lucky to have me around.  I protect him from all that riff-raff.  He may not realize yet all that I do for him, but he will.  Someday very soon, I know that he will.  

He’ll see that I’m far better than some mousy little science nerd who looks more like a ten year old boy than a seventeen year old girl.  Meanwhile, I am regularly mistaken on the street for a Maxim cover model.  There really is no comparison here.

That’s why I, Amora, have taken it upon myself to put little Miss Jane Foster in her place.  I am going to show her that she far too weak in both mind and body to ever give Thor what he needs.  By the time I’m through, that simpering little peon will be running for the hills and crying her eyes out.  

I can just picture it now.  Ha!  I can’t wait…

So my plan is simple: Jane’s been working the school haunted house for Halloween.  I don’t really care much about holidays, but tonight I got to wear my sexy devil costume and get Thor really riled up.  I think something would’ve happened, except that stupid bitch, Sif, was in the way.  

Seriously, she’s been hovering around him all damn day.  Sometimes, I think I hate her even more than Jane, but I’ll figure out what to do with her later.

Now, what was I saying?  Oh, right.  

So Jane’s been working the haunted house that the juniors all put together.  It’s as lame as you’d expect.  Nothing but phony ghosts strung up with string and geeks in costumes jumping out at you like that’s actually scary.

If they want scary, they should just have Thor’s creepy brother do all the parts.  I swear, Loki spends so much of his time skulking through the halls and staring off whoever gets too close, that I’m starting to believe that rumor going around that he’s really a vampire.  Sure wouldn’t surprise me.  He is way too skinny and pale.

That’s why he factors so heavily in to my little revenge plot against Jane. 

See, it’s pretty common knowledge that Loki and Jane can’t stand each other.  I don’t know what the story with them is.  One day, they just up and started hating each other right out of the blue.  Something about an accident or Loki just in general being a prick.  I don’t even care to find out.

All that matters is that Loki is a weirdo freak who scares the hell out of everyone, and he happens to hate Jane Foster’s guts.

Locking them up in the haunted house after hours was the most logical action I could have taken. The most fun too.

Look at her now, Jane is just noticing that the door is jammed and there’s no other way out.  I’ve personally taken a hiding place just inside this broom closet.  It smells like dust and I’m probably going to have to have my entire outfit professionally cleaned, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

I have got to see this.

I think I hear Loki coming out now.  His job at the haunted house was to collect money and supervise the ‘performers’ while they were at work.  I guess he did a good job.  Wasn’t really paying attention.

I know earlier, him and Jane had this big blow up.  Jane was handing out candy to the people coming out of the haunted house.  She accused Loki of stealing her extra bag of Reeses, and things just kind of spiraled out of control from there.

I have to admit, it was almost scary watching them fight.  I don’t just mean Loki (it was mostly him, though), Jane is actually kind of a fireball when you get her going.

She’s still not good enough for Thor, of course.

"You are the most insufferable asshole I have ever met in my life!" she had shouted at him at the end of it all.

"That means little to me coming from a worm," he had said.

Ouch.  That must’ve hurt.  I couldn’t have said it better myself.

So Jane’s been fiddling with that doorknob for at least a minute now.  I think she’s starting to realize that it’s not going to budge.  Poor baby.

And now, here’s Loki!  Whatever took you so long, Mr. Creepy?

"You’re wasting your time with that," he says.  I can’t tell if he’s mocking her or not, but knowing him, he probably is.

"I’m about ready to break this stupid door down!"

Oh, I hope she really does try that.  Maybe she’ll get a splinter and cry.

I knew I should have brought my iphone.  This costume sadly doesn’t come with pockets.

Okay, I think she’s giving up and realizing that she’s trapped in this haunted house- which is really just one of the science labs, but we’ll ignore that for now- and her only company is her worst enemy, who is also possibly some kind of hell demon.

"Are we seriously stuck in here?" Jane is asking herself.  Hmm… funny how she refers to herself and Loki.  

"For now, I suppose," Loki says.  He’s got this look on his face and I just know he’s getting ready for some mischief.  Poor Jane.  She doesn’t stand a chance.  "Since we’ll be here a while, perhaps we should make use of this time."

Jane has let go of the knob, and she keeps staring at that door like it’s suddenly going to evaporate and she can escape.  Oh man, she is so screwed right now.  

I, Amora, am an absolute genius.  Oh yes I am.

Now Jane is starting to turn around.  I think she might be shaking.

I hope she starts screaming at him and insulting him again, and when that doesn’t do anything, I hope she starts begging for her life or something funny like that.

Or maybe she’ll skip right to the begging.  That would be even better.

I guess a part of me is wondering what the hell Loki was talking about just now, about him and Jane making use of this time, but I figure that’s just Loki’s way of psyching her out.  He’s trying to get into her head and make her lose her mind or something.

This is going to be more fun that I thought.  I can feel it.

Okay, so now they’re facing each other, and Jane is walking to him… and now she’s kissing him…

She is kissing him right now.

Like- really kissing him!

And I think… yup, he’s kissing her back.  

And my God, his hands are everywhere.  He is not wasting any time.

From the way Jane is moaning he must be a damn good kisser too- 

Why am I thinking about this when I should be having a meltdown that my plan is failing??

Oh no, they’re starting to paw at each other.  They are notreally going to have at it right here, are they?

…Loki just ripped her shirt clean off.  

Yeah, they’re gonna do it right here.

I should look away.

I cannot look away.

Jane’s going for Loki’s shirt now.  She’s ripping it off and… oh my God, hello Mr. Odinson, where have you been all this time?

This is ridiculous.  This is not how it was supposed to go!

I wanted to scare Jane off, but instead I’m getting her laid, and by Thor’s creepy-yet-secretly-really-hot brother of all people!

Can this get any worse?

"We need to stop."

Jane looks pissed.  ”What?  Why?”

"Because I know you, and I know you are not fond of doing this in front of an audience."

…yeah, it can get worse.

I think Jane might be looking this way, but I can’t be sure.

Actually yes, yes I am sure.

Because I think she just teleported over here, and now she’s ripping the door off it’s hinges and pulling me out and- Christher grip is too strong.  I think she broke something.

"Well, look at what we have here."

She’s holding me up, like off the ground up.

And I’m pretty sure those fangs of hers are not plastic.  I don’t think Loki’s are either.

"I guess now we know how we got trapped in here," she’s saying with a hungry gleam in her eye.  She drops me into the corner.  Her and Loki are boxing me in from all sides and staring down at me like I’m a hunk of fresh meat.  "Good thing too.  I haven’t had anything to eat all day."

"I must agree, my dear," says Loki as his and Jane’s eyes turn bright red.  "I’m absolutely famished.”

I, Amora, probably should have thought this through a little better.